Only a mothe r could love this liver
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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