so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
