It was confusing and full of hummus
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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