some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
