He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
