Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
