you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
