it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
