i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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