loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
