Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
