and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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