Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
