Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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