part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
