and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
