Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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