I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
