I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
