Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
