So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
