i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The beer is more important than you right now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
