It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
