once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
