Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
