so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
