Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I checked into jail on foursquare
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
