I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
