The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
