so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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