i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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