We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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