You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize