Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
