dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
