i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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