what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
