I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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