She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
