I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
