wanna go halves on a baby?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
