so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
