We got so high we made milksteak
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
