that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
