he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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