He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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