my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
