I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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