i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
