You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
