I just threw up on my dentist
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
