another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
