but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
