Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
