I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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