Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
