we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
