Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
