1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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