Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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