You work out of a Hotel?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize