she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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