OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
