He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
