So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
