By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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