i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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