Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.

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(817): View more from Texas

You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple

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(562): View more from California

I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.

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