Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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