considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
