I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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