What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
