The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize