i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
