We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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