i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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